up to us

I can see where we would be –
long before we go
but for now I’m in between
stuck in the how of what I’ve seen
I long to do what I’ve observed
in you so many times

Weak and weary was my spine
Your strength, you poored it into mine
so big your love so deep the hole
The space that I’d been making,
digging slowly in my heart
Wasteland for a brand new start

waiting for that one like you
to make it up to us

One step forward two steps back
Oh what it takes to grow – you,
bearer of the future past
Slowly, slowly will reset
me to the present time I know
counting all the steps to go

If I could hold a gun
I’d realize I was the one
that shot me in the knee,
Though I was running, never free.
It’s me, it’s always been, I’d see
But now it’s up to us

From the moment there was you
it has been up to us

intruder

You’re in my head, you’re on my mind
in silver linings intertwined
in all the thoughts that come across
un-coating them like dental floss

and all the ones that once were grey
you light them up and make them stray
like leaves that whirl without an end
in their attempt to never land.

you’re in my way, you block my sight
you fill my head with things I might
and things I will If I’d let you in
a little deeper than my skin

you’d bring your pen to cross my lines
and leave no trace of what confines
you’d blur the edges of my frame
to you the ins and out’s the same

you’d pull out drawers with my thoughts
the coulds and shoulds and woulds and oughts
you’d mess them up and throw them out
beyond the shadows of my doubt.

solstice

as the summer echoes fade and twilight wins terrain
before I realize, the darkness gradually
leads us towards the center of our trail
in the darkest of the night, the brightest stars revealed

lights like mirrors of the sky, illuminate the way
how distant can it be, the image that we see
as we surpass the highest peak
the slope that leads us home is where we test our will

Let me just remain on right here on the edge,
where I can see – the horizon in full
clear and bright –
staring at the world – all within my reach
in this moment of peace
before the time takes over

as the still of white makes way, for fields that overflow
the summer lies ahead – before I even know
the longest day will shed it’s light to waste
though swiftly passes by – will leave us with it’s lasting blissful taste

one and the same

ghost from the past
where did you come from overnight?
face in the crowd,
suddenly clearly in my sight.

the world frozen still –
while my mind spins back in time
I look behind –
catching the glance that’s seeking mine

and I know that you know,
that we both were in that place
where a body and mind
are one and the same

how life has passed
didn’t you notice on the way?
no time for doubt
all that we see is all there is.

and the light in your eyes
strikes a fire to the bridge
on the river in me – and I slip and fall
and get pulled down the stream like I did

out of sight out of heart for so many years
yet a void in the core of what made me to be
who I am where I stand it is suddenly shaking
the ground beneath my feet.

and a hand reaches out
pulls me up on the shore
On the pavement we stand – once again
near the edge while the people rush by like the water

all the steps that I took to the place where I’m now
How the path took a turn, and I followed it down
how I sailed with the wind and I ended up stream
in a place that is all that I know now it seems

The world picks up speed –
while my mind returns to now
I look behind –
catching the glance that’s seeking mine

and I know that you know,
that we both know that face
and our body and mind
are one and the same

a crazy thing

It’s a beautiful day outside and I had nothing to do with it. – I’m inside a room, where I sit on a chair with my head in the clouds. Up there I tumble around, to look for the source, the source from which to create. It’s a crazy thing, that thing which is desire, that sets us on fire and moves from within. The electrifier of every wire plugged in, that makes this world spin. – Currently, I long for being outside, out where the sun would caress my skin, and the breeze gently blow away the clouds of thoughts from my mind. How wonderful would it be to be there, outside.. But I’m inside, enduring the longing, pondering the longing. It’s been too long since I didn’t care. I can’t go because I wait for a sign, the sign that tells me my task is complete. the sign that tells me “you’re free! You can go anywhere that your heart wants to be…” but it takes sitting down and drudging the drudgery to get where your heart wants to be. So I stay here and dwell in misery while the sun is laughing at me. The more I think about it the more terrible the thought of missing out on this day, knowing that tomorrow it’s gonna be over.. the sky might be grey, and the world surely spinning at full speed again, not allowing me to even remember the gloriousness of this day.. so full of possibilities, all left unused.. It’s a crazy thing, to want to do what you do while missing out on so many good things in each moment, in anticipation for an unknown good sometime later – It’s such a beautiful day outside, and I had nothing to do with it..

tears

25-11-2014 // Tears of joy, tears of pain. water drops that clean the soul, take the salt out of the wounds and slowly, slowly heal them – from sorrow, heaviness, darkness… Water of the heart, take out the darkness of the soul. Tear to me, show me your eyes in that most honest way, show me what you’re made of. I know you’re strong as well, but your weakness is so beautiful, fragile, soft, makes me want to touch you for a moment, hold you, just briefly, and gently pick you up like a feather and show you that your tears have made you lighter. And they’re lighting up a dark that we all have – you shine it through those mirrors of the soul. The mirrors reflect me. I see a bit of me in you when you look at me like this. But i’m not supposed to show it now. You can be weak if I appear strong now. That’s how it works – but you make me want to share with you, like you share with me – for a moment. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The sharing? But your sharing doesn’t feel like I should return it, not right now, you are about pouring now, pouring your heart out, and I am here to listen, listen to the rain fall… upon my roof, filling my well, becoming a sea of solitude in which you swim. You talk in code, words that I don’t understand, but it’s ok. There not being said for understanding, they’re being said for lifting the weight. The weight, on your shoulders, on that slender body that can be so strong if it wants to – and to gently open a heart that is so full of feeling it could burst – like a shell with a beautiful bright treasure inside – for a chosen few to find, but surrounded by a fragile mass that can’t be touched, and leaving a big space around it for something to fill – fill up the space between you and the present. Now – salty water is flowing through, reminding you. //

Ode

Dear heart that pours this music out,
Allow me to confess out loud:
when you’re pouring out those lines,
that flow of sound with gushes of quiet
expressing what’s at the centre of you,
I am in your power.
I can do nothing but follow that stream,
and try to go where it goes,
stand in the midst of it
let it overflow me
for I want to touch it’s source
let it resonate with me;
so loudly that it moves my core

Make it cut right through me
and relentlessly lay bare
what’s inside that was forgotten,
or swept aside to be ignored,
overgrown by time.
Open up the wounds below
put them out in open air
let tears of salt fall in and burn
and clean them out to show the truth
of any open endings.
till gently they’ll be washed away
And all that’s left is here and now
and being moved by you.